Dear lord, it has been an eternity since I decided to write in here. I have no real good reason/excuse as to why, so i'm not going to bother with one. I've had a few changes in my life needless to say.
As we all know, AB and I are history, in fact he is now married to some chick that I do not care for. I have never met her but from what I am told by many people she is NOT good for him. Oh well HIS problem now.
Things with SK and I went from bad, to good, to horrible, now back to ok. We still argue but hey we are human so it's gonna happen. All that matters is that we both honestly love each other, and I think that is enough to overcome any problem we may face.

I have moved from SC to GA due to SK transferring job sites. I do not know how much longer we will be here since he is not enjoying his job. I left the funpark (obviously) and found myself working at a local petstore as a kennel associate. (read...I clean shit) It is not the most glamorous job ever, but it pays halfway decent and is something I enjoy. Everyone who knows me will tell you that I love dogs, so this is a good fit for me. I am also planning on going back to school to get my CMA in the near future. I hope I can still remember what school is like since I haven't touched a school book since my piddly year of college way back when.

Well thats about all that has changed in my life, I'm a bit older and they say a bit wiser (I guess) so i'm going to get myself in bed since it is pushing 11:30pm and the alarm goes off at 6am (yay, we all know how much I LOVE getting up early) So I hope everyone had a good Holiday Season, and who knows I may end up writing in this again before next year.

Current Mood: happy

Dammit why does everything/one feel the need to test my patience? I go to work today and get stuck working behind the snackbar. Now let it be known that I ABSOLUTELY HATE working the snackbar. I'd much rather be outside on the golf course/bumper boats/ticket redemption/anything else. Of course that doesn't happen and today was one of "those days." The cherry Icee machine decided to blow chunks all over my hands and arm making me a sticky red mess, and if that wasn't bad enough the effin nacho cheese dispenser blew the fuck up all over me and a friend of mine also working snackbar. Great so now my clothes smell like nacho cheese, cherry icee, and all around grease. Wonder-fucking-ful!! I come home and it is like 90 damn degrees inside and 86 outside. I flip on the AC and it is barely blowing out any air, so as I type this I'm chillin in my thong and tanktop (ain't that a wonderful mental image and YES the blinds are all closed.) I'm just in an all around ill ass mood. Nothing a few Coronas/vodka shots can't handle though.

On another note, I'm feeling pretty damn lonley. SK is back home in PA visiting his family until Tuesday at the earliest. He has been gone since mid-day Wednesday, but luckily I've been working so I haven't really been home much. I know they say "absense makes the heart grow fonder" and It'll do us some good to be apart for a week, but DAMN when you spend almost every moment with this person not having him around feels weird. For instance, I go to bed under my covers and on at least my half of the bed, and wake up still wearing covers and still on my half of the bed. Normally I'd have a quarter of the sheet draped over the bottom half of my legs and I'd be scooted over to just enough bed to keep me off the floor. Anyway that is about all I feel like typing right now. Nothing majorly new in my life. Still stuck in this town and hating it, working at Frankie's and sort-of enjoying it, and still with SK and loving it. So until next time, I bid everyone adieu. <33


"If I only could I'd set the world on fire"

Current Mood: bitchy

Well here I am again. Things have been busy recently. I finally got a sort of job. I work at Frankie's (fucking) Fun park. I don't make shit, but the job is easy so I guess I can't really complain. I'm still getting bugged by "him" about the job but as we all say, They didn't exactly fall in my lap so I'm doing the best I can. It's only part time so I'm only getting like 20-25 hours. It's enough to pick up some of the slack but I ain't gonna be rich quickly if you know what I mean. The good thing though is that "he" got the job in GA so we will be moving in a couple more months to Marietta. I didn't care where we went as long as it was out of this god forsaken, can't buy beer on Sunday, holy roller bible belt town. I'll be able to go back to school once we get settled and get my nursing degree and FINALLY make something of my shitty life for once. Well that is about all i have time for right now. Gotta get ready for work and cram something down my throat for lunch. Hope all my friends days are going better than mine. Love you all.

Current Mood: hungry

I have nothing important to say. "We" are getting along a little better but not much, That is all. Thank you for coming, watch your step on the way out, refreshments are located next to the exit door, and goodbye.

Current Mood: depressed

Howdy everyone, sorry I have not updated (again). I have been busy with moving (yet again) into the apartment with "him". We finally got everything semi-unpacked and the cable/I-net hooked up again. Gah it feels weird living with a sig. other again. I have to admit, I had my doubts because "he" is so different from my ex, I was afraid that we wouldn't be able to live together. Well it's been about 4 days now and I am loving every minute of it. The kisses I get before he leaves for work. The kisses I get when he comes home. I melt every time he says "those three words". Oh dear lord I've gone and fallen in love again. Anyway that is about all I have to say. Sorry this is so short and boring but, thats my life. Hopefully I'll have a better update in the near future, but for now I am starving so it's off to eat.

Current Mood: hungry

Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me

Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again

I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again

I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through

So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe I can't keep going under

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I HATE FIGHTS WITH LOVED ONES.
God I need a beer/tequila shot

Current Mood: pissed off

I saw this quiz thingie on Vik's journal and I thought it was kinda nifty, so I took it...


You are the hidden beauty


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: hungry

Hello everyone, I realize I have not kept up with this thing as of late. I have no good reason other than I simply have not felt like it. So much is going on right now, that an online journal just has not been top priority on my list. For all of you who do not know, I recently ended a 5 year relationship and it has taken a decent bit out of me. I have moved on and found another, but things have not been easy to deal with in my fucked up mind. I lost the job I had which is a bit of a good thing, cause now I can go back to school to become a CMA or an RN so I can stop these craptastic 10.00 jobs and start making decent money. I may be moving to GA if my boyfriend gets the job he has wanted so heads up to any GA people that may read this (doubt I have any but...) Anyway that is about all that is going on in my fucked up life. Maybe there will be an additional update soon, maybe not, it depends on if I feel like it.

Current Mood: confused

Well yesterday was my birthday. Very few people remembered but yet I am not surprised. I had a decent time. "he" and I went to eat at a restaurant I enjoy called Hops. I finally have the net and my computer back, which is a good thing. I'm worried about my best friend Angelicscars her last few entries have had the underlying tone of depressment (is that a word?) I hope she is ok :( I'm sorry for not updating this in awhile, but I have had too many things on my plate as of late in my personal life. I believe I have cleaned all but a few off and voila, I am back to my normal fucked up self. Anyway I gotta get going "he" will be home soon and we've got a lot of things to get done on my last day of my mini-vacation. UGH work tomorrow :( plus I'm starving, Adios...

Current Mood: hungry

Another song that is getting to me right now...

Linkin Park - Numb

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

Current Mood: depressed

I'm falling in love with him...that is all.

Current Mood: loved

Anyone who I trust enough to have told about what is occurring in my private life, will understand why this song is tearing me up.

Artist: Liz Phair
Song: Why Can't I?

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you, and we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

This is, this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we are, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but heads spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

I'd love for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
I'd love for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
for this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Anyone who doesn't understand it, and who I deem worthy enough to know may IM me at poisinousone and ask me.

Current Mood: depressed

Hiya folks, I will no longer be updating this, my new diary can be found at http://poisinous.diaryland.com Visit it folks. You may find a random message from time to time here.

Today is my birthday. I am all alone. It is raining. This truly sucks ass. Fuck you all who ignored or forgot me today. Crappy day indeed. That is all, Goodbye......

Current Mood: pissed off

GOD it sucks to be without him. I cannot stand not having him with me. It hurts so bad to only be able to hear his voice and not touch him :-( whelp I'm going to bed now to dream about him. Damn over four years and I still love him like the first day we met. I'll write another time about my weekend, I'm just too tired right now. G' night
Mandi + Andy = True Love Forever

Current Mood: loved

I have nothing to say today except God Bless the US, and I truly feel for all those still dealing with a loss one year ago today.

We Remember You All

Current Mood: depressed

Whelp Andy left today, GOD what a short weekend. I'm bummed, yes. However not too bad, I'll be seeing him again on the 30th for a long weekend and the beach. We had a nice lazy weekend together. I don't care what we do, just as long as I'm in his arms. God that sounds sappy lol. After four years together and 6 months living apart from each other, you'd think the love would have faded. At at times I feel like it has, but all it took was one weekend together to rekindle all the love we share. I miss him more than I thought I would. Every time we say goodbye it takes more and more strength to keep from crying and running to him refusing to let him go. I know someday we'll be under the same roof again. I know God has his reasons of keeping us so far apart for so long, and I know one day all this hurt and pain will melt away. However for the time being, I'll just swallow my hurt, be thankful that I have someone who truly loves me, and live day by day.

On another note, its hotter than hell in this house. I have sweat dripping off of places I never knew I had. UGH. Its 83 outside and prolly 80 in this house. Crappy ass AC. Oh well I'm off to go dream about this weekend. Good night everyone.

Current Mood: hot

It's just me, no one important. Wrestling was cool, although I was damn near dead the next day at work. My father and I are supposed to go see YES this Friday, so that should be cool. I love spending time with him. I so rarely get to see him or even talk to him due to our conflicting jobs. I work all morning, he usually works all evening :-( Anyway nothing much more to report. Still waiting the arrival of August 30th so that I can go to the beach. Well I'm off to ponder wtf to do about dinner. Tata

Current Mood: okay